Let’s Begin

ageless-20171008-122.jpgSpirit is Ageless.   I believe I saw it on a sign driving on Anderson Mill Road in Austin, Texas.  It was a rolling LED sign that posts Daily Affirmations, brought to you by the Unity Church.   I like the Unity Church.   Good folks, good messages.   Good cookies after the service too.

I think it said something like Spirit.. and then somewhere down the line was Ageless.   I drove by at 46 miles an hour and didn’t think twice about it.  Then somewhere between the sign and the major intersection, putting three words together made me slow down and pull into the nearby neighborhood.  Like when you hear an awesome song and you just have to pull over to give it a good listen?  Yeah, that was me…  the Universe or God or whomever was whispering to me to stop and listen.   “Spirit is Ageless”.  What does that mean?   I would like to say that it was a voice like James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams..(“Go the Distance”), but it wasn’t.  I would like to embellish that story and say it was the voice of Ellen or Oprah or even Mother Theresa to guide me to successful, spiritual woman-dom,  but it was probably more like Wallace Shawn from a Princess Bride.  “You’re trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen” or something like that.   I tried to shake it.  But Wallace kept at it.  “I can’t compete with you physically and you are not match for my brains”… he repeated it to me again,  with his Vizzini lisp  “Spirit is Ageless”,  So I decided to write it down.   You win Wally Shawn.  You win.

I do not play guitar well.   I practice very infrequently (usually for a week, think I am totally awesome and ready to tour, get a tiny bit distracted, get hungry, go in the kitchen for a snack, wander around the house and the yard, check facebook and then don’t practice for another 3 months)  But that day I picked up the guitar and “Spirit is Ageless” found it’s way out.  I was closing in on a new season in my life and the words and the music just seemed to flow.  This has happened a few times for me in the past, but not in a long while.   It was exhilarating!   I felt terribly insecure about playing it in front of my accomplished and talented songwriter husband, but I did.  He was very encouraging and made me feel like it was a special song.

Jumping ahead, I had the opportunity to record my 3rd solo CD around that same time in my life and thought it would be a great opening song.  I loved singing it.  I loved performing it.  I noticed that other people, mostly women around my age, resonated with it too.  We all grow older every day.  We do, friends.  No matter what cream or injection or doctor we seek, we still grow older with each break of day.   I had a painful realization that I was not on the path to youthful stardom, the new kid in town, the ingenue, the next American Idol, that incredible “Voice” girl or the next big thing or the latest trend or the hot new chick singer or omg! that songwriter, or the next signed artist to Sony, or the girl on facebook that just signed a publishing deal smiling with a pen in hand surrounded by a bunch of guys with Make Me a Damn Star Records, or even that girl on tour in Europe opening for Sting.  No.  I was a mom in the suburbs having lunch with my husband and a young lady whom he was going to produce, who happened to be extremely gifted and humble and worked hard as a singer/songwriter and was following her calling AND… who could be my daughter.  She was about 22 years old.  I. Was. Not.   I remember that day so clearly.  That is the poignant day I lost my virginity.  Well, my naiveté, if you will, to what I thought my life was going to turn out to be.  Even though I had a record deal in the past and all the support of family and friends, the signs were all around me.   I still held on to the thought that somehow, I was going to “make it”.   This is not a unique story.  I am sure by this age, many of us have reassigned our dreams to other floors.  You, Dream of being a Lawyer, will be assigned to floor 3, where you can flourish for some other woman, who does not have 5 children and a mortgage.  You will find a warm, comforting & brilliant home there.  You, Dream of Dancing with the New York City Ballet, will be assigned to floor 7, where you will find a passionate, young soul to carry this arduous job through, while I take care of my aging parents and work 2 jobs to do so.  So as I lay down my dream of a world tour with the Lilith Fair metaphorically in front of the young female spirit at Cracker Barrel that day, I started praying for other ways to fill the void.

Wallace Shawn did not whisper in my ear quickly.  It took a long time to pull over and be open to hearing voices of Movie characters direct my life’s purpose.  I drove by a lot of signs with answers to my deep questions too. But eventually things began to make sense.

So here I gloriously am.  53, 16 year old son, married 17 years.  Even though I have not toured Asia with my precious Sting, I have performed on the banks of the Llano River with my husband, with our son kind of listening in the audience and our dog picking fights with anyone who would come close to us while we were on “stage”.  And even though I have not accepted a Grammy for Best New Artist, I have had the opportunity to see almost every baseball game our son has ever played since age 4.  And even though I have not been on the cover of “You are Bitchin’ and Thank God,  Young”  magazine for my wild success in life, I have landed in a tribe who uplift all with their love of humanity,  love of art and love of giving unconditionally.  And for those things and for many, many other things, I say Thank You and  Amen.

Spirit is Ageless.   As our bodies and dreams age, may we stay forever youthful in hope and joyous abandon.

 

Sunday, April 29, 2018   a sunny day in Cedar Park, ready to clean the windows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Let’s Begin

  1. Maggie Stone

    I truly enjoyed reading this Tina! You are a gifted communicator, colorful and descriptive in your writing. I look forward to absorbing many more of your blogs. I am, however, still looking for that special cream to de-age my neck… I should be carrying a shell house on my back to match what holds up my noggin even though I’ve earned each and every one of those creases and wrinkles… Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Love it!

    Like

  2. Susan Schara

    Tina are truly a special Angel 😇 to many peoples souls. The love you are able to share effects us all. Your love makes this big beautiful world a better place. THANK YOU!!

    Like

  3. Deborah Simmons

    You have beautifully captured the feeling of coming to terms to Who We Will Not Be, especially when we see lovely talented young women coming up in the world, as our bodies are coming down. Reframing, as you have done here, is a powerful tool. We let some dreams go to make rooms for smaller, sweeter ones.

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  4. Needed this today more than you, or I, could know. With much heart & 56 years & Patterson Barrett at my house reminding me of all I ever wished I had become as a musician & songwriter & the inextinguishable hope I may yet write ONE not overly unedited & real songwriter worthy verse in my newest attempt…or in my lifetime…or what might be left of it. Which amounts to just do it. Today. No guarantees of tomorrow. Gratitude for here, now & the likes of your blog. Blessings from Virginia. Wonderful read, Tina…as always!

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  5. Brenda Johnson

    This made me cry as I turn 54 on the very day you began this blog. I feel honored in some way. Your message is right on! This song is one of the most beautiful songs I know.

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  6. Shawn

    Tina, sweet Tina! I went to a funeral of a 66 year old musician a few weeks ago, today I found out today a much younger friend has passed. Age no longer seems a curse but a blessing. Tina as you so wonderfully pointed out it is spirit, how, who and why we live with that is so valuable. Here’s to loving what is. I for one will not let my age define me, I love life and thank GOD for every prescious moment I am gifted. Thankful for music, chiropractic and the joy of living on purpose. Thank you for the beauty and wisdom you share.

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  7. Getting older isn’t for sissies. True. Better than the alternative. Usually true. The test of time is the hardest. Yes but we all pass. Spirit is ageless…for those who possess it. You do, thank God. I’m more of a parasite (ugh) living off the spirit of those around me who possess it. So keep smiling. Keep dancing. Keep singing. I can as long as you do!

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  8. Jean Tillery

    I so needed to read this.

    Recently I was asked what my greatest accomplishment was. The question was posed in a business environment, and I have many wonderful business accomplishments, but the questioin got me thinking.

    I have a wonderful husband who I have been married to for 30 years….that is a huge accomplishment.

    I have 3 kids who have grown to amazing young adults with adventurous spirits and bright futures. They are each an accomplishment.

    But what came out of my mouth when I answered the question was non of these…..

    I said my greatest accomplishment was that I have come to the point in my life where I can live it by my rules.

    My work allows me to travel when/where I want. I can revel in the things that make me happy, food, family friends and music. I can smile at those who bash me, I can love everyone. I can laugh for no reason. I can leave dishes in my sink because I would rather be outdoors. I can cross item off my dream list often.

    I may never change the world.
    I won’t cure cancer…
    I won’t end poverty and hunger…
    I certainly WON’T be on the stage with Sting…

    but

    I will bring dinner to someone battling cancer and sit with them and pray.
    I will support my food banks and donate and volunteer to help those who need it
    I would definitely be on the front row for Sting, dancing and singing at the top of my lungs.

    Maybe I will change the world.

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